THE DREAM (HOLD ON TO YOUR DREAM) --IRENE CARA

This song from Irene Cara reminds me about me and my neverending chase for my dreams. For those of you who have dreams, never let go of them. Keep dreaming, keep reaching for them, and keep believing because often, dreams do come true...

I've been chasing dreams for so long
Just one step behind and then they're gone
Illusions of love would come and go
I guess you have to hurt before you grow
And everybody knows
Never let go of the, never let go of the dream

I always seem to lose what I thought was mine
And many times I tried to leave it behind
Deep inside, hope was still alive
Deep inside, dreams will never die
That is why we're movin' closer to the truth

It's really great for me to be here
I've won over the pain and the fear
It's been so very hard through the years
Been looking through a rainbow of tears
And still I never really let go of the dream

Sometimes I saw my life just falling apart
And all the rejection tearing at my heart
Deep inside, hope was still alive
Deep inside, dreams will never die
If you try there'll be so much more for you

It's really great for me to be here
I've won over the pain and the fear
It's been so very hard through the years
Been looking through a rainbow of tears
And still I never really let go of the dream

We can all be free, we hold the key
If we can see what we wanna be
Life's never easy, you get no guarantees
Why not give your all and see what you can find

ON HIATUS

It's been a long while since I posted a new entry here. I've been on semi-haitus as I have been quite busy on other pressing concerns with seeking overseas employment, talking to foreign HR people, renewing my AMT (American Medical Technologists) Certification, and other stuff. It's likely this hiatus will continue for the next 3 months or so as I shall be focusing more on reviewing on my own for another Professional Certification Exam. It seems the exams never end and there are certifications one after the other for me to contend with. Alas, woe is me, ha ha ha. I shall try to post new, short entries now and then, if I can. In the meantime, Merry Christmas everyone!!!

WAITING FOR A LIFETIME PARTNER FROM GOD

This was shared to me by one of my closest friends many years ago when I first joined the Catholic Renewal 13-Sunday Seminar enroute to becoming part of the CFC Singles for Christ. I would like to share this now to all my friends, especially, Karen, and everyone else out there who has yet to find their lifetime partners. I believe that we really should pray for and ask God for that lifetime partner and not just jump into a relationship all for the sake of having one. True love is always worth the wait and if that love is a gift from God Himself, then that love will be of the lasting kind. God loves us and He will only give us the best...if we wait. I should know, it happened to me and it could happen to you:)

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone –

to have a deep soul relationship with another,

to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to the Christian, says, No,

not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone –

with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me –

with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone

will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me –

exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing –

one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things –

keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait. That’s all. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry.

Don’t look around at the things others have or that I’ve given them.

Don’t look at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking off and away up to Me,

or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready,

and until the one I have for you is ready

(I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time),

until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me

and the life I prepared for you,

you won’t be able to experience the love

that exemplifies your relationship with Me,

and this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty,

perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.

- Author Unknown

CLAIRE, The Vamp

Yep, you got it. Vampire eyes. I've got a bloodshot right eye at the moment, thanks to a freak accident last October 31st. Who would have thought that a small pebble from the road would find its way inside a public utility vehicle (with me on board) and hit the corner of my right eye? Certainly not me! The next thing I knew, my eye hurt. It was raining cats and dogs that night and since there was no trace of blood, I thought I'd wait till I got home and made an assessment of my eye's condition before I sought medical help.

When I finally got home, I immediately looked for a mirror and thought I was such a sight. Eat your heart out, Christopher Lee. Claire the Vamp is around now. LOL. Of course, I went to the ER the next day and had my eye checked by a Surgeon since there was no EENT doctor around. It was November 1, anyway. Most doctors don't hold clinics on All Saints' Day. To make a long story short, the Surgeon examined my eye and didn't see anything to worry about. Except that she said that if I wanted to and for my peace of mind, I could go visit an Opthalmologist of my choice just to double check.

That, I will do, come Wednesday morning this week. I wouldn't want to be walking around with a Red Eye lest I get mistaken for a Vampire-in-the-making, ha ha ha. Though, I probably wouldn't mind if someone mistook me for Kate Beckinsale in UNDERWORLD and UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION.

Well, gotta go. Van Helsing seems to be after me now, ha ha ha. Just kidding:)

OCEAN DREAMS

This is for my "OceanSky" and the oceans of love that I have been blessed to share with you....

OCEAN DREAMS
by C. Louise S.

Three decades of deep slumber
soon I awake, I see my ocean sky
swimming, drowning in pools of amber
eyes that mirror my heart's long cry.
Come wade in love's sweet waters,
your soul and mine afloat shall mate;
sailing thus, to happy ever-afters,
two hearts now beat as one by fate.
Beloved, the wind carries your name
stirring waves and waves of longing deep;
Out of depths from where I came,
The sun in your eyes,oh let me keep.
Just as the waves rush to kiss the shore
and once-broken wings take flight,
the journey ends, we search no more;
Together we bask in love's pure light.

LIKE A DESPERADO

So, what do you do when your life comes to a standstill and you look back and see that all the years of hardwork, the blood, sweat, and the tears you've shed to give yourself a place under the sun had come to nothing? And you look into a mirror only to see a face of a stranger, the face of nothingness staring back at you. You've just been reduced to nothing...and the one good thing that's left, the only thing that still makes your heart beat to remind you that you're still alive in the midst of all your dead hopes, might also slip like water through your fingers.

You cry but, no one hears. So, you just hold it all inside, biting your lower lip to keep yourself from crying out in pain. You begin to wish that you could just walk away from this life but deep inside, you know you just can't do that because it's wrong. You don't own your life. You don't want to burn in eternal fire. Hold on, girl, and ride the storm the way you always did before, you tell yourself. There'll still be better days and the sun will still shine for you one day soon, you remind yourself. But, you've heard all that crap before. That same line they kept on saying to you year after year---"Things might be better next year". Yeah, right. You gloat because all the years that came after all felt the same. You'd seen better days.

Are you still even alive? You wonder. You think you still are because you know you are still breathing even if it already hurts to even breathe. You scratch your skin with your nails just to see if you'd still bleed so you'll know you're still alive. But, are you, really? You know, alive? So off you go running, screaming under the rain because you know the falling rain will hide your tears from the rest of the world. You run and run and you keep on running till you stumble and fall to your knees on the wet ground. And, as your mouth tastes the mud, your eyes flutter open and you look up to the heavens, wondering if you'd still be whole when it seems you already feel like you're only half the person you once had been.

Still, you push yourself up on your feet and stand weak and trembling in the cold. You feel so alone. Looking like a drowned rat with your hair plastered wet all over your face, your hands ball into fists. Squaring your shoulders, you tell yourself that you're now ready to start living on the edge of danger.

Ready and willing to take offers from even the most depressed and war-torn areas of the world. Ah, the more dangerous it is, the better. Oh, yes, you're so ready now to go through life the way only a desperado can and will.

PAIN and Jaclyn Smith

I have met all sorts of people in the course of my job at the clinic where I've been stationed for 12 years now. Let's just say that I have had the privilege of seeing and experiencing for myself how people can either be nice or simply unpleasant when they chose to be. Overall, though, I can say that I have met quite interesting characters, too -- people who have left a good and lasting impression on me. One of them was a young, petite lady named Jacqueline Smith. No kidding. Jacqueline Smith! I remember smiling when I saw her name on the form I had asked her to fill out and she just smiled back and told me she knew what I was thinking.

"Jacqueline Smith?" I grinned at her. Jaclyn Smith, I mean, THE actress, was my favorite Charlie's Angel. I was just a kid then but I got hooked into watching Charlie's Angels so much I started entertaining ideas of becoming a lady Detective when I grew up.

"Yeah," she replied, "Not the Charlie's Angel, though. Just call me Jackie."

When I first met Jackie Smith at the clinic, she had been working for a bank in Digos City. She later told me that her father was of American descent, hence, her American surname. Everytime Jackie came to the clinic, she and I would often engage in friendly chats while waiting for my boss to arrive. I'd never been much of a talker and I seldom warm up easily to strangers but Jackie seemed to have a way of getting people to warm up to her or something. She was very nice and what I liked most about her was the way she'd never forget to say "God Bless You" shortly before leaving.

It was amazing, the way we found it easy to talk about life and Religious faith without butting heads. Jackie was a Born-again Christian and I've always been a Catholic who'd remain a Catholic for the rest of my days. It was all about RESPECT, I guess. I respected her faith and she had all respect for mine and what made it easier, probably, was how we talked not about our differences but about WHO we had in common -- Jesus.

I don't know where Jackie Smith is now. She hasn't been to the clinic in years. But, I'd like to share an excerpt from the audio tape that I once borrowed from her long ago. What the speaker talked about in that audio tape was PAIN. It helped me a lot and I hope it can be of help to you, too.

Here's the excerpt I managed to jot down:

"PAIN TEACHES WHAT PLEASURE MISSES"

If you are in PAIN:

1) Because of personal Holiness/Righteousness -- thank God. You will be rewarded.
2) Because of your sins -- thank God. You are being corrected.
3) Because of other people's sins -- thank God. You are being brought into partnership and fellowship with Jesus who also went through the same path of pain.

I hope this will help anyone going through the pain of persecution. This can also serve as a reminder for everyone of us who seek to be closer to the Lord. It would do us all well to remember that IT ALWAYS HURTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR GOD but let's do the right thing for God, anyway....at any cost.

God bless you all...and thank you, Jackie Smith, wherever you may be right now.

ON SUITORS (GUYS)

This was actually an essay I submitted to my English teacher during my Freshman year in College. I spent a year at the Jesuit-run Ateneo de Davao University, taking up AB ENGLISH but eventually, I moved to an allied health school (SAN PEDRO COLLEGE) to pursue the pre-med course/degree that I had always been after--BS Medical Technology. Anyway, I dunno what possessed me to write this essay that day when our English 2: Grammar and Composition professor asked the class to compose a brief essay. I've never had so many suitors or guys courting me so even I could not imagine how on earth I'd managed to write about a topic I had no experience about at that time. I guess, I probably wanted to tickle my teacher pink because she was unmarried. Maybe this really tickled her and reminded her of those times in her life when guys swarmed her like bees--she gave me the highest grade for this! Ha Ha Ha.

ON SUITORS (OR GUYS)
- - -C. Louise S./ADDU -'86-'87 AB English section D

There are many types of suitors as far as we girls are concerned. There's the guy who looks at you as though he cannot take his eyes off you even for a moment that you'd like to think his eyes would pop out any second of the day. There is the one with a genius look---spectacles and all. But, the moment he starts talking about nothing but SCI-FI's, you'd begin to think you've just found yourself a bore. There's the one with a blank smile who goes following you around like a sick puppy looking for its mother. There is the smug who starts getting fresh that somehow, you'd find yourself wishing you could punch him straight at the nose so as to make that smug look disappear from his face. There's the guy who adorns you with gifts and sends you love letters with the words obviously copied from the lines of a song that you'll find yourself saying that even if he were the last man on earth, you wouldn't touch him with a twelve-foot pole. There is that shy and soft-spoken guy who doesn't talk too much but when he does, boy! Would you hope he'd say more! At least, you've got a guy sincere enough to mean what he says.

EVEN CLOWNS CRY

I have never lacked in the UNDERSTANDING department where my friends and loved ones are concerned. Some people are so lucky they have others who'd listen to them patiently, without complaining.........just understanding and trying to give comfort the best way they can and all because they love this someone so much. Others like me, are not so lucky. Most everyone in my life only seem to come to me for one thing -- to seek comfort from me when they're hurting. But, when I am the one in need of comfort or if not that, maybe just an affectionate word or two, or someone who'd care about my hopes and dreams, they act like I'm the plague. I am ignored...like my hurting and sadness do not matter. Only theirs matter most. Most everyone in my life is the same. Well, I have endured rejection of all kinds in my lifetime. I hope it doesn't happen to you--when you knock and no one answers. When you reach out and no one responds. When you cry out but no one listens or hears you. I hope it doesn't happen to you....because you have no idea how painful it can really be. Between this kind of pain and physical pain, I would much rather deal with physical pain because, at least, I know I can take pain relievers to ward off pain momentarily. With emotional pain, there is no medication, not even for temporary relief. But, then again, why should my pain matter to you? It shouldn't eat away at you, I guess. I don't even know why I am telling you this or why I am even talking about this. You don't care. Enough said.

TO MAMA WITH LOVE

We can meet so many people in this lifetime. We can have as many friends as we want. Some can even have as many lovers as they can. But, all of us can only have ONE Mother in our lifetime. For those of you who still have mothers, love your Mom with all your heart and never forget to tell her how much you love her while she's still around to feel that love. Don't wait until it's all too late because no pain can ever compare to losing a mother. If you love someone, tell that someone NOW.

TO MAMA WITH LOVE

It's been years since, Mom,
But I still miss you.
When life wears me down
and my world is crazed and pained,
at times I find myself longing
to go back to the shelter of your womb
where I'd be safe and not be shaken
by life's troubles and adversities.
But, you're no longer around, Mom,
and that's what hurts.
But, when I look inside my heart
and find you there,
That's when I know
that out there, somewhere,
You're still watching over me
and I want to tell you now
the words I should've told you often
I loved you so, Mom,
I always have and I always will.

-- by C. Louise S

THIS THING CALLED FOREVER

And they told me it was infatuation.
That you were just a passing fancy
that came along with growing up;
and that you'd gradually fade with time.

But I knew better what it was all about.
The moment I set my eyes on you,
it was like I've always known
You'd change my life completely.

Yet they don't understand that.
They can't. Perhaps they never will.
So, I built my world around you
and heard their deafening laughter.

You are my source of strength.
The deepest breath I take,
my very heart and my very soul,
my lifeline...my everything.

And this thing called forever?
It's wearing your name like a badge on my shoulder
it means beyond all tomorrows
It's that childlike faith that guides me...
...this thing called forever.

--by: Claire S. /2007

Are You Virtuous?

The lecture part of one of our major subjects, Human Anatomy, was what we dreaded the most during our sophomore year in college. For a good reason. It was handled by a reputable surgeon and Medical Director -- a tall, lanky man with graying hair who seldom smiled and only seemed to wear either a serious or stern expression on his face. He had eyes that were alert and shrewd, reminding you of a predatory animal ready to pounce on his prey. All you needed to do was take one look at him and you'd instantly get the feeling that he was a "no non-sense" type of man. He was a actually a decent, well-respected man who was brilliant in his chosen profession and while his methods of teaching were very unconventional, they were very effective and you would learn so much from a few minutes of listening to him than you ever would from reading a reference book for hours. At least, I did. Like I said, his teaching methods were often out of this world and most of the time, he used symbolism to get his message across.

Who could ever forget the way he likened the lungs and their alveoli to paper bags filled with peanuts? Or the way he pinched one of my classmates, Erika, until he got the exact reaction he wanted out of her while he was lecturing to us about pain? What about the day Lester mistakenly referred to one of the brain neurons as "axion" instead of "axon" and somebody yelled, "I didn't realize the brain had a dishwashing detergent" which had us all laughing to the utter disappointment of the the good doctor? What he said then has been etched forever in my mind.

"Why are you laughing? You are all here to learn. You should not laugh at the mistakes of your peers. You are all here to learn and you will make mistakes along the way. All of you."

There sure had been times when the good doctor would drive us all crazy, commenting about how our knowledge was "abyssmal" when we could not answer some of his questions. At times, he'd ask you what you could see on the board.

"The heart." You'd say, only for him to tell you pointedly that what you're seeing is simply a drawing done in red chalk. Arrgh. If it wasn't that, he'd call your attention and ask you to stand up during class recitation and then he'd tell you bluntly, "Well, don't just stand there. Say something!"

"Something," one of my classmates said pertly when she'd been asked that question and what do you know? The good doctor clapped his hands and smiled, saying,

"Good. Now, sit down".

But there was that incident in class that I know I will never ever forget for the rest of my life. It was the day the good doctor hopped in front of one female student to another, asking the question that has never left my mind all these years.

"Are you virtuous?"

No one answered. Again, he jumped right in front of yet another one of my female classmates and asked her the same question, "Are you virtuous?" My classmate only cowered in her chair.

"No one in this class knows what the word virtuous means? " He yelled in disbelief and then, pacing the floor once more, I saw him head my way and I immediately lowered my gaze to stare at my shoes in the hope that he would simply pass me by. Fat chance of that happening. The good doctor jumped right in front of me and asked in a voice loud enough to wake even the dead, "So, are you virtuous?"

In a meek voice, I managed to say, "Yes, Doc, I am."

He stared at me for a few moments as if to assess me and then with a nod, he moved away and told the whole class, "Now, there's a smart girl. For those of you who have no idea what the question Are You Virtuous means, it's simply another way of asking Are You A Virgin? or Are You Chaste?"

Well, I didn't really think my classmates were that stupid not to know what the word virtuous meant. It was quite possible that they were simply terrified or intimidated by the good doctor. Well, what girl wouldn't be startled when she's asked a question like that by a man who not only spoke in a highly authoritative voice but also happened to be standing directly in front, with both hands on each side of his waist, his hips slightly thrusting forward...and the fly of his trousers partially open? :) Sheesh, I nearly even fainted. LOL.

The By-Product of a Bored Intern's Mind

This piece was created while I was assigned at the CLINICAL CHEMISTRY department of the RLTC (Regional Laboratory Training Center) / Davao Medical Center. During a rare break in the afternoon many, many years ago when all the Blood Chemistry tests had been done, my equally-bored co-intern and fellow poet, Nympha sat down with me and out of the blue, we co-wrote this piece to the delight of our fellow interns. I have no idea where Nympha is now or what she's been up to all these years but I hope that like me, she's still into poetry...some of the time, at least....

LOVE CHEMISTRY DETERMINATION
(Special Test)
MED TECH Method
Claire-Nympha Modification

Procedure:

1). Lake 65 ml. of RESPECT.
2.) Incubate for a LIFETIME.
3.) Add 10 ml. of CONC'D PATIENCE.
4.) Pipette 10 ml. of LAUGHTER and mix with 15 ml. of 100 % SHARING.
5.) Centrifuge and decant supernatant.
6.) Discard (dirty) RUMOR sediment.
7.) Titrate Supernatant with UNDERSTANDING and watch for a LOVING endpoint.
8.) Read at 143 mu (mutual understanding).

NORMAL VALUES: 143-14344 units/lifetime
CLINICAL SIGNIFICANCE:
Increased levels: CONSTANT TOGETHERNESS
Decreased levels: LACK OF THE ABOVE REAGENTS